Relationship / Love Addiction

Common Traits ::

Lack of nurturing and attention when young

Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family

Outer facade of "having it all together" to hide internal disintegration

Mistake intensity for intimacy

Hidden Pain

Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at all cost

Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship

Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment

Depressed

Highly manipulative and controlling of others

Perceive attraction, attachment, and sex as basic human needs, on a par with food and water

Sense of worthlessness

Escalating tolerance for high-risk behavior

Intense need to control self, others, circumstances

Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems

Insatiable appetite in area of difficulty

Using others to alter mood or relieve pain

Continual questioning of values and lifestyle

Driven, desperate, frantic personality

Existence of secret "double life"

Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem

Defining out-of-control behavior as normal

Defining "wants" as "needs"

Principles of Recovery ::

Acceptance

Confession

Forgiveness

Accountability

Love

Benefits of Recovery ::

Experience genuine love

Discover true intimacy

Fill the aching void inside

Grasp the meaning of life

Find union with God

The Romance - Addiction Cycle ::

OBSESSION

Physical or emotional "trigger"
Consumed by thoughts
Plots, plans, schemes
Loss of concentration
Judgment impaired

2. THE HUNT -

Driven to find relief
Seeks out someone or something
Point of no return

3. RECRUITMENT

Movement to resolve pain
Enlistment, enticement, seduction
Risk

4. GRATIFICATION

Object of hunt is attained
Other person steps into desired role
Thrill of conquest
Victimization of other party

5. RETURN TO NORMAL

Feel calm, peaceful
"Switch" turned off
Mood altered

6. JUSTIFICATION

Pain resurfaces
Rationalizations
Depersonalization of victim

7. BLAME

Focus on own neglect or abuse
Refuse to accept responsibility
Lay problem at another's feet

8. SHAME

Blaming seems inadequate
Horror at own actions, 'What sort of person must I be?'
Stuff feelings

9. DESPAIR

Elation-depression cycle
Utter despair
Resolve to fix what is broken

10. PROMISES

"Never again" list of promises
Fear of breaking promises
Return to start of cycle

Source: 'Addicted to "Love"' by Steve Arterburn, p.51

Testimonies

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I struggle with fear of rejection, people pleasing and relationship addiction. In my life, these struggles have resulted in hardships, heartaches and disappointments for myself as well as those around me. These hurts have also generated dead-end paths in search of answers and change. It was not until I became involved in Celebrate Recovery, that I began to build a true relationship with God and honestly search for answers. It was at this point that the insanity cycle (doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result) was broken in my life and true change began. If you are like me and countless others in God's kingdom in search of peace and serenity, seeking His will for your life and the ability to carry it out, I hope you will join us at Celebrate Recovery.

-- A Woman in CR